My girlfriend figured out who you are.
smell my finger.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
