I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
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