3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
