I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
