This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
