When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
