Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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