I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my sisters under your porch take her home
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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