I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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