Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Randomize
