You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
They took my balls.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
