this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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