I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
