found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
