Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
