the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
