He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
