Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize