break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
