that's an acceptable place to lick
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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