You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
