I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I deserve this hangover.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
