dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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