Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
