so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it glows. i had to have it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
