I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
