For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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