I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize