Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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