So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
