"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
