There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I FOUND THE LEGS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize