Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
