Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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