I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
