I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
