Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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