i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
