my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
