I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
