I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
