I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
