My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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