I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
