fuck your aforementioned shoe
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
