you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
