I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
