What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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