That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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