I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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