Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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