She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Help. Why am I so naked?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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