I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
