I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
