Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
