For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
