My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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