My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
