We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize