Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I want to fling myself into the sun
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
