I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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