Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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