i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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