it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
