Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
