I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize