Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
