Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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