so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
