Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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