i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize