I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
