i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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