O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
