hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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