Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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