just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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